As children, we depend on the parents God has placed in our lives to provide for us, to nuture, to love, and give us everything we need to survive in this world. There are things we cannot understand at this point in our lives that our parents try to keep away from us because we simply are not ready to face it. Like when people have "the talk" its something most general parents don't want their children hearing until they believe they are at the appropraite age to hear it. To eat our meals everyday we have to depend on our parents to put food on the table, to give us the clothes on our backs, and to go to church to learn about God. We are totally depended on our parents during this time, but when we are at the right age to get out in the world, for the most part, we are on our own. Our parents can guide us and give advice, but the decision to do things is totally up to us. So we think.
I believe there is something we all desire in this life, more than anything. Its called love. We all want to recieve love from something or somebody because we were made for it. God created us out of love. We are in His image, and God is the image of love.
Exspecially for teenagers, its even harder to understand love. Because we don't all have the Christian parents, or the good godly church to go to. We aren't all always protected from the things we should be protected from. And when it hurts the most is when we are the most vunerable to seek out love, in any size or form.
Our lives are put in our parents hands, for a short time. We depend on them. When we put our lives into God's hands, its forever. But a lot of us, don't depend on Him.
I had such a hard time depending on God through a circumstance that lasted about five and a half years. It wasn't until a month ago, that I saw how much I was leaving God out of my life, and out of my most difficult trials, which only made things harder for me. As a young girl I wanted love so badly. Sure my mom gave me love, and still does today. But to me, it didn't seem like it was good enough. Not even God's love seemed good enough. Because I couldn't see Him, and sometimes felt that God wasn't really there. At that age I felt that I had to see love for the most part.
I don't want to go into detail. It was quite a hard case for me. But I wanted what I wanted. I dreamed of it, I desired it. The void in my life was like any other void a young girl has. Only I wasn't about to put my heart up for sale like all the other girls did. But I can still relate to their pain. The pain of giving a part of yourself to a guy. Kisses, holding hands, saying "I love you." Even some who thought they should give more, hoping it would make him love them more, but only left them broken, confused, and doubting that God even cares about them. How much I can relate to the stories I have heard from girls, and I only wish there was some way that I could numb their pain, and show them what love was really supose to be like.
I never thought about when I was hurt, that God was sending me a message. I refused to believe such a thing. I could always do what Joel Osteen says at "his" church, "Be happy and it will all go away!" Ha, yeah that always works! Pssh.
I may have let God into my heart, but there was a part of my heart that I wouldn't let Him in. And its the same for so many people. There is always a little piece of ourselves we aren't willing to give over, to give up. And for the most part, its always in the area of relationships with the opposite sex. I was one of them.
Through such a difficult time, I was being brokened little by little, each time God was sending me the exact same message, but I didn't want to hear it. Instead I complained, and asked God why things weren't going the way I wanted them to.
For all of those who have been hurt from relationships, going from one to the other, hearing him say the same things the other guys said...the things we girls so desperetly want to hear..."I love you"... why do we hurt so much after its all over with? Is this how God wanted it to be? Do we even care what God thinks anymore? Or is it that we are suddenly not depended on the wisdom of our parents but dependable on what the world is telling us to act and become? Are we not listening to the media, Cosmopolitain, Seventeen, Katy Perry, Justin Timberlake? Do we not listen to their answers to our problems? Are we depending on the world to give us the love we were born to have!?
I may have never been in a relationship before, but that doesn't mean I know nothing of what it means to experience a broken heart, to cry night after night to where I had deep migranes that lasted for days sometimes. I know what it feels to hate who you are, and what you have become because of a mistake you've made, and to want to kill yourself because you sense no purpose to your life...because you can't find love. You can take the pills and drink the drink all you want to make you forget about it all...but it only makes you want to crave love more. Love that we are depending on in this world, from our friends and magazines to give to us. We end up empty. The void is still not filled, and we are exhausted.
How many days can I count that I was hurting? Who knows. I'm sure God remembers. I simply didn't think the value of God's love was enough to fill in my empty. Why do so many girls ignore Him, and don't rely on THE LOVE to find love for us?....which is Himself, His blood, His sacrifce.
As I am typing this, I'm thinking in my mind about a girl who I grew up with. I wish I could reach out to her so badly, but from the past times that I tried to love her, she wouldn't listen. I know she has been hurt so badly. She has had guys who have toyed with her emotions. Its been this way for so long. She lives in parties, and I have yet to know where she sleeps at night. I don't care about any of that, neither does God. For we don't have to be perfect to run to God. When God found me, I was emotinally damaged at a young age, torn apart because I was hoping to recieve love from a certian somebody, who later almost killed me mentally. Words can't describe the depth of my heart-ache.
When we hurt, like so many of us in the world do, its still a message from God. Something that took me so long to learn, yet it was so easy, so simple. When we hurt, it reminds us of how much we cannot live on our own. Its like God calling out to us, "I need you to need Me. Because without Me you won't live." Sometimes when the pain comes so suddenly, sometimes it may not be so big, its God simply reminding us that we are totally dependable on Him. We leave our parents after a while, but even if we can live on our own, we cannot be independant on ourselves or anybody else. We have to let Jesus carry us. We have to fall in love with God our Father. We have to acknowledge what He was done for us, and the depth of it all. When we find our value in Christ, love overflows and doesn't even compare to the love a godly husband or wife could bring. We can't let people fill in our empty. Its pretty much forbidden, except for God. And when we kick God out of the picture, and continue to let things go as they go, we will always experience the empty. We will never recieve love if we don't let it in. I wanted to fall in love with a man so badly I would watch chick flicks to keep my hopes alive. But what do I gain, but discontentment and desperation...all which is not from God? Even if I get married one day in the future, he can't be my Savior. He can't complete me. I can only depend on him to a certian degree. But my total dependance has to be in God. "I need you to need Me," I felt God say. And it goes out to all of us. No matter where you are at in life, what you have done, and what you hope to acomplish in the future, you can't ignore the truth. You need Jesus. You need Him more than a boyfriend, more than a spouse, more than your friends. You need Jesus period. And you, nor anybody else can argue about what Jesus has done for so many lives today, and still does.